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15 September 2009 @ 06:08 pm
The Quest Continues  
Why did no one tell me how absurdly impossible it was going to be to get into grad school? XD

...oh, right, because I would've chickened out. :P

Yesterday, I didn't post because any post I would have posted would've been a big, heaping, stinking mess of EMO. :D At least for most of the night, haha. XD Mostly just because Swedish is still mind-boggling; I royally ruined my three-words-one-prop-life-changing-moment scene in Theater 11; and Brave New World is way more fascinating five years later, but it's even more of a downer when you know how it's going to end. XD

But that is irrelevant.

Needless to say, I've broken into the candy with gusto, and then proceeded to wish I hadn't. Though it's better than being addicted to Tetris, which is what's happened to me in the last week. I had to remove Quinn (unaffiliated Mac Tetris ftw) from the dock, because I'm seeing falling blocks on the insides of my eyelids. This is when we put our foot down. :|

Today... I had to hand out copies of my story in Creative Writing. I went and made the copies for it yesterday (and stapled them nicely and lined them all up and made sure they were all in order and generally was so meticulous that I make other people's typos and shitty stapling jobs look like CRAP :D), and... I've pretty much been obscenely anxious about it since I finished it on Thursday. Talking it over and hearing that eltea liked it over the weekend has helped a lot, because we all know whose opinions REALLY matter (♥), but just... gah. There are some really critical girls in my class -- they're merciless, but the things they say usually make sense, and I'm just dangling here waiting for them to tear my baby to pieces. XD

Admittedly, as I sort of alluded to above, you can actually tell that most of the people who have submitted so far wrote the story the night before, and I swear to God, nobody in the entire class can punctuate, but... I like my story. I got really attached to my characters, and I just have this sense that they're going to shred it, because...

...uh, because that's what I signed up for, /idiot >_>

Since I've been talking about it sodamnmuch -- I'm planning to post it up to tierfallen when it's been workshopped and tinkered-with, but you might as well have the first bit now, so that you can understand my crippling fears about it. XD

Red’s name was not actually Red—it was Frederick Caster, which Bracket had turned to Freddy, then Ready-Freddy, and finally just Red. Bracket had a thing for taking titles and changing them, rewriting reality like life was sketched in pencil, and all you had to do was bust out your Magic Rub. In a set-in-stone kind of world, Red liked the idea that he could retroactively wrest control from his parents back before they had been his parents at all—when they were still two people bent over a baby name book. He liked the idea that he could own himself, at a level as basic as the word that brought him to people’s minds, if and when he wanted to.

Bracket had explained this philosophy once, in the incredible detail he favored when extremely intoxicated, and had confided that his own name was, in fact, Paul Eckstein.

“Do I look Paul-ish to you?” he had inquired, one hand raised for the sake of a pedantic index finger, the other seizing a bottle’s neck.

“Polish, maybe,” Red had replied, and he had basked in the laughter.

...anyway. I was also really worried when the other girl who gave out her story was one of the ones who's really articulate in class -- a Young English Major of English Persuasion, yanno -- but I read it over lunch and... was not that impressed. Also, I totally don't understand the end of it. XD You know when you can tell that the last line is supposed to reveal something plot-wise as well as thematically, but you're just like, "Uh, what just happened?" That's me. XD



Then I repeated "fearless, fearless, fearless" in my head (no, really) and went to go ask a professor for a letter of recommendation.

First of all... so I have three professors I wanted to ask, right? Thursday, last semester's hot Milton professor was mysteriously absent from when her office hours should have been, so I emailed her and one of my old Shakespeare teachers who didn't have hours listed. He emailed me back explaining that he was in Maine and would be happy to meet up after October 4. I haven't heard anything from my Milton professor, which is troublesome, mysterious, and totally fucking me over atm, because I really don't like any of my other old professors, particularly not the only other one who knows me well enough to write a letter. And the Milton professor was going to be my ace-in-the-hole letter, because she actually read the class's papers after the T.A. had gone through them. RARRR. ;__;

Anyway, both my Shakespeare Old Guy Professors are emeritus, and I went to see the one who is not in Maine today. Obviously.

A summary of the flow of the conversation:

Professor Nelson: Sure I can write you a rec letter. What are you looking into?
Me: blah blah blah Shakespeare passionate blah here's my Statement of Academic Purpose.
Prof Nelson: ...you talk a lot about performing Shakespeare in the first two paragraphs I just read.
Me: Yeah, that's kind of my angle on it, in the sense of what I can bring to the ta...
Prof Nelson: You know, you should get an M.A. that sort of ties in with Shakespeare theater. There's places where you can do that.
Me: ...but I'm trying to get a PhD...
Prof Nelson: You should definitely research this place in Stanton, Virginia, and the Stratford school as a first step.
Me: ...but I'm trying to get a PhD...
Prof Nelson: Also, since you've only taken two Shakespeare courses here, you should take more.
Me: I've tried, but they only ever offer stuff I've already taken, and the only transcript they're going to see is my first two years anyway...
Prof Nelson: Let's go downstairs and see if they've posted a list of classes for spring, and we can pick you out some!
Me: ....
(We go downstairs. We ask at the English office about classes, too.)
Prof Nelson: Whaaaat? They haven't announced the classes for spring yet? Well, come back in two weeks, when they should have done, and we'll talk about what you should take.
Me: ...Can I go now?


The guy's always been a little bit on the senile side, but... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. DX



And I put it on my desk and saved it to open after getting out of my 3:30-5 class, because I have to give myself positive incentives like this. It's very auto-Pavlovian. :D

Aaaaaaaaaaand... OMG TY, BB!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!

*shows off what she got me plz*

*flails* 8DDDD

I am totes going to arm myself with it on Thursday when I go in to get my story workshopped-to-death. :3333

I also saw this

in the hallway waiting for my first class and was starting to get excited until I read it properly. XD

So... now I am writing fic that is going off in some weird, vaguely-OOC direction that I can't even chart, let alone predict, let alone direct, and... that will be fun? O_o


Feeling: okayokay
Eltea: Pensiveeltea on September 16th, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
lol it took me two tries to click on the cut for this entry and as many to spell the word “two”, you know what to expect from this comment. XD

Aaaaahhhh what was I oh right writing class. I was really terrified of criticism in mine, but then the amazing thing was that the criticism I got - and there was a fair amount - wasn’t like obnoxious stupid ff.net nitpick-review-things (I warned you where my brain was and wasn’t XD); it was all… like stuff I could look at and seriously realize was lacking from my story, and stuff I hadn’t thought about, because they noticed things I hadn’t. And they’ll give you advice I can’t, because even though I didn’t write the thing, I heard you talk about planning, and I’m really familiar with your writing style already, and… yeah. Basically, don’t fear the criticism, because you can use it to make an awesome piece ten times more awesome in ways you never even realized.

Okay. XD

…uh yeah that’s it I think sorry to wake you up few shreds of brain you can go back to sleep now until your friends come back. I'm posting this without rereading it so I’ll bet there’s an embarrassing typo somewhere, lalalala ♥
Vitamin C: Merlintierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:35 am (UTC)

No, I mean... your experience is probably the only reason I was brave enough to take this class at all, but there are a couple girls in the class who just don't even try to be considerate about it, and everyone's a lit snob even if they don't write that well, and aajkfdsjlkfds. XD

Also I'm extraordinarily lazy and hate rewriting things and don't want to see the structure get hacked at and don't want to have to do research etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Fffff, you are so cute. XD

goddess of this and that: pic#74947574happy_mystic on September 16th, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
(Hums the Tetris theme.)

Well, I'm having craziness for getting rec papers for college, if it's any consolation,,,
Vitamin C: Mello - Reasonabletierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:38 am (UTC)
(The only thing Quinn is lacking. XD)

I had an easier time of it in high school because I had CHOICES -- like, your teachers actually know you in high school, rather than vaguely recognizing your face from the eighty to three hundred people that were also in that lecture, and even then only if you sat near the front. :| I was a suck-up actually knew my teachers in high school, orz. XD

...but no, it's never easy no matter what, haha. XD
I MUST: Questionable Moralssabriel75 on September 16th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
Unbiased crit can never be ignored, nor can it always be favorable, but depending on how you use it, it can ever be helpful :)

Professors do try to be nice and informative and far-reaching in their advice, but wah... sometimes they forget to land the UFO and join us mere mortals and just give us what we need at that moment. LOL at being escorted around campus. Do hope you get your letter though!

Pretty! DN necklace and look how she even draws her smiles in computer-techy style. Cute!

Go forth and spawn creative fiction cuz producing just doesn't capture the true emotion of it all. XD
Vitamin C: Jethrotierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:41 am (UTC)
One of the things my professor said was that we should find the one or two people who have things to say that fit with our writing, but... idk, I still suck at not taking it personally, and I put a lot of time into the thing, and so on and so forth, haha. XD'

He said he'd write it, but I'm not sure how many hoops I'm going to have to jump through before he realizes that I need it sometime this semester, haha! XD Maybe I should map out a UFO landing site? XDD

IKR. :3

I shall do my best! XD

(Also, I love your icon!! 8DD)
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Vitamin C: Arthurtierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
There are only sixteen kids in my class, so I guess it's not quite as bad. XD I'm still scared, though; English majors can be brutal. >_>

And I shall definitely post it! ^^

Why do English professors always lose it?! XD Maybe I should reconsider my career path...
(Deleted comment)
Vitamin C: L - Bewilderedtierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
I guess I'm going to have to remember that (a) they're also just students and creative writers trying to do good work; (b) that I can nonetheless learn from them; and (c) if one day of plummeting self-worth gets me a better story in the end, then it won't have been wasted.

Or something. XD

Letters are old-fashioned, to be sure, but they're much more personal than anything else. :)
Rex: DN - Mello + Bubblegumicequeenrex on September 16th, 2009 06:44 am (UTC)
Ooh, concrit can be difficult to receive, I know, but like Sabriel75 said, it's pretty much unbiased right? So I'm hoping it's actually constructive and helpful instead of tearing the entire thing down. Because that would be just plain mean. I'm sure it'll go fine though. :) Unlike the ones who spent the night before writing it, you took your time to be meticulous and to perfect it and so I'm sure it shows. :)

Don't worry about it too much until you actually get it back and hear what they have to say. I for one think it sounds pretty interesting. ^___^ Red and Bracket are my new favourite names XD

And yay to mail!!! :D Aren't letters the best??? 8D
Vitamin C: Arthur/Merlintierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
...."unbiased" is a tricky word. XD We see each other in class every day, so there is an element of personal judgment involved, and I really can't expect a bunch of smarmy English major college students to step back and try to be dispassionate about my lame story. XD'

Thaaaaat is what I am trying to do right now. Which is getting progressively more difficult, because we have to post the critiques in advance on an online school forum, and refreshing the page constantly is not helping me calm down. XDDD

Rex: Merlinicequeenrex on September 18th, 2009 01:31 pm (UTC)
XD When I was meant to get my exam grades a few years ago, they put it up on a website. I freaked out SO BAD and kept refreshing the page everyday. XD So I know how you feel. ^^;
(Deleted comment)
Vitamin C: L and Wataritierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
That is the hope, at least! XD Damn professors act like they own this place, I swear. XD

*pets you* :3 Noooo, I mean, brigits_flame helped a little as far as thickening my skin especially when I got asshole editors who just wanted to talk down to me even though I beat them out in the polls every damn time, but I just suck at taking it. XD'

Fffff, you always make sense. ^^ ♥
marissaabitofadork7 on September 16th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
You are a brave child, lol. XD And Remmy is awesome, as always.

Well, the entire f-list is, but this is already a known fact. XD
Vitamin C: Charles - Bluetierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:59 am (UTC)

My F-list rocks my socks so much, though, yeah. :D
marissaabitofadork7 on September 17th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
Pretty much. XD

I should know. Half your f-list is my f-list. XD
Vitamin C: Arthurtierfal on September 18th, 2009 02:11 am (UTC)
I love the fact that everybody has practically the same F-list these days. XD'
marissaabitofadork7 on September 18th, 2009 07:35 pm (UTC)
Yep, gotta love it. XD