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15 September 2009 @ 06:08 pm
The Quest Continues  
Why did no one tell me how absurdly impossible it was going to be to get into grad school? XD

...oh, right, because I would've chickened out. :P

Yesterday, I didn't post because any post I would have posted would've been a big, heaping, stinking mess of EMO. :D At least for most of the night, haha. XD Mostly just because Swedish is still mind-boggling; I royally ruined my three-words-one-prop-life-changing-moment scene in Theater 11; and Brave New World is way more fascinating five years later, but it's even more of a downer when you know how it's going to end. XD

But that is irrelevant.

Needless to say, I've broken into the candy with gusto, and then proceeded to wish I hadn't. Though it's better than being addicted to Tetris, which is what's happened to me in the last week. I had to remove Quinn (unaffiliated Mac Tetris ftw) from the dock, because I'm seeing falling blocks on the insides of my eyelids. This is when we put our foot down. :|

Today... I had to hand out copies of my story in Creative Writing. I went and made the copies for it yesterday (and stapled them nicely and lined them all up and made sure they were all in order and generally was so meticulous that I make other people's typos and shitty stapling jobs look like CRAP :D), and... I've pretty much been obscenely anxious about it since I finished it on Thursday. Talking it over and hearing that eltea liked it over the weekend has helped a lot, because we all know whose opinions REALLY matter (♥), but just... gah. There are some really critical girls in my class -- they're merciless, but the things they say usually make sense, and I'm just dangling here waiting for them to tear my baby to pieces. XD

Admittedly, as I sort of alluded to above, you can actually tell that most of the people who have submitted so far wrote the story the night before, and I swear to God, nobody in the entire class can punctuate, but... I like my story. I got really attached to my characters, and I just have this sense that they're going to shred it, because...

...uh, because that's what I signed up for, /idiot >_>

Since I've been talking about it sodamnmuch -- I'm planning to post it up to tierfallen when it's been workshopped and tinkered-with, but you might as well have the first bit now, so that you can understand my crippling fears about it. XD



Red’s name was not actually Red—it was Frederick Caster, which Bracket had turned to Freddy, then Ready-Freddy, and finally just Red. Bracket had a thing for taking titles and changing them, rewriting reality like life was sketched in pencil, and all you had to do was bust out your Magic Rub. In a set-in-stone kind of world, Red liked the idea that he could retroactively wrest control from his parents back before they had been his parents at all—when they were still two people bent over a baby name book. He liked the idea that he could own himself, at a level as basic as the word that brought him to people’s minds, if and when he wanted to.

Bracket had explained this philosophy once, in the incredible detail he favored when extremely intoxicated, and had confided that his own name was, in fact, Paul Eckstein.

“Do I look Paul-ish to you?” he had inquired, one hand raised for the sake of a pedantic index finger, the other seizing a bottle’s neck.

“Polish, maybe,” Red had replied, and he had basked in the laughter.



...anyway. I was also really worried when the other girl who gave out her story was one of the ones who's really articulate in class -- a Young English Major of English Persuasion, yanno -- but I read it over lunch and... was not that impressed. Also, I totally don't understand the end of it. XD You know when you can tell that the last line is supposed to reveal something plot-wise as well as thematically, but you're just like, "Uh, what just happened?" That's me. XD

AAAAANYway.

Umm.

Then I repeated "fearless, fearless, fearless" in my head (no, really) and went to go ask a professor for a letter of recommendation.

First of all... so I have three professors I wanted to ask, right? Thursday, last semester's hot Milton professor was mysteriously absent from when her office hours should have been, so I emailed her and one of my old Shakespeare teachers who didn't have hours listed. He emailed me back explaining that he was in Maine and would be happy to meet up after October 4. I haven't heard anything from my Milton professor, which is troublesome, mysterious, and totally fucking me over atm, because I really don't like any of my other old professors, particularly not the only other one who knows me well enough to write a letter. And the Milton professor was going to be my ace-in-the-hole letter, because she actually read the class's papers after the T.A. had gone through them. RARRR. ;__;

Anyway, both my Shakespeare Old Guy Professors are emeritus, and I went to see the one who is not in Maine today. Obviously.

A summary of the flow of the conversation:

Professor Nelson: Sure I can write you a rec letter. What are you looking into?
Me: blah blah blah Shakespeare passionate blah here's my Statement of Academic Purpose.
Prof Nelson: ...you talk a lot about performing Shakespeare in the first two paragraphs I just read.
Me: Yeah, that's kind of my angle on it, in the sense of what I can bring to the ta...
Prof Nelson: You know, you should get an M.A. that sort of ties in with Shakespeare theater. There's places where you can do that.
Me: ...but I'm trying to get a PhD...
Prof Nelson: You should definitely research this place in Stanton, Virginia, and the Stratford school as a first step.
Me: ...but I'm trying to get a PhD...
Prof Nelson: Also, since you've only taken two Shakespeare courses here, you should take more.
Me: I've tried, but they only ever offer stuff I've already taken, and the only transcript they're going to see is my first two years anyway...
Prof Nelson: Let's go downstairs and see if they've posted a list of classes for spring, and we can pick you out some!
Me: ....
(We go downstairs. We ask at the English office about classes, too.)
Prof Nelson: Whaaaat? They haven't announced the classes for spring yet? Well, come back in two weeks, when they should have done, and we'll talk about what you should take.
Me: ...Can I go now?

AJFKDSLFLDS HEADDESK. XD

The guy's always been a little bit on the senile side, but... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. DX

Anyway.

THEN I CAME HOME AND CHECKED THE MAILBOX AND THERE WAS A LETTER FROM crazyboutremmy AND I WAS SO SO SO HAPPY. :3

And I put it on my desk and saved it to open after getting out of my 3:30-5 class, because I have to give myself positive incentives like this. It's very auto-Pavlovian. :D

Aaaaaaaaaaand... OMG TY, BB!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!

*shows off what she got me plz*


*flails* 8DDDD

I am totes going to arm myself with it on Thursday when I go in to get my story workshopped-to-death. :3333

I also saw this


in the hallway waiting for my first class and was starting to get excited until I read it properly. XD

So... now I am writing fic that is going off in some weird, vaguely-OOC direction that I can't even chart, let alone predict, let alone direct, and... that will be fun? O_o

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Okay. XD



 
 
Feeling: okayokay
 
 
 
Vitamin C: L - Bewilderedtierfal on September 17th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
I guess I'm going to have to remember that (a) they're also just students and creative writers trying to do good work; (b) that I can nonetheless learn from them; and (c) if one day of plummeting self-worth gets me a better story in the end, then it won't have been wasted.

Or something. XD

Letters are old-fashioned, to be sure, but they're much more personal than anything else. :)