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10 July 2008 @ 02:01 am
"It hurts when I do this"  
New brigits_flame entry... because... yeah.  A big thank you to baronanriel for his help editing, and a super-special-awesome extra-fantastic hug-ridden groveling-on-knees thank you to eltea, who did a wonderful and superb bit of editing work on this one, because she loves me too much for her own good.  I wasn't entirely sure about this piece when I started, but now I know I like it.

The prompt is "It hurts when I do this."

Absently his fingers navigate the damp labyrinth of tangled hair that spills over the pillow like a disheveled inkblot.  He encounters a snag where one curl has become desperately intimate with another and slowly attempts to work it out.  She shifts.

Her eyelashes flirt with her cheeks, kissing them lightly as she fights the weight of her eyelids.  She’s exhausted almost to the point of slipping into unconsciousness, but she’s still answering him, and he’s not entirely sure why.  He’s never  in his life been more important than sleep before.

“You know,” he remarks, “they used to think it took a little while off of your life.  That you were ‘dying’ in some small way.  So a lot of authors of the time made use of that as this tremendous pun.  Shakespeare used it a lot in the sonnets.”

“The ones to the patron guy?” she murmurs, the slender shadows of her eyelashes lengthening.  “Or the ones to the dark lady?”

If he thinks of dark ladies, he will shatter like sugar glass.

“Both,” he answers, and as he twists his breath to craft the word, he realizes, in what is less an epiphany and more the caboose to a long-trundling train, that he loves her.

It makes his fingers tingle and his heart pound, and those wretched clichés terrify him even more than the understanding that he is in love.


Feeling: exhaustedexhausted
wickedmommy: Rockstarwickedmommy on July 11th, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC)
Lovely piece. YOu did so much with such few words. Beautiful picture painted.
Vitamin Ctierfal on July 15th, 2008 07:09 am (UTC)
Thank you! I usually write too much, so it's fun every now and again to try to keep it short. :)