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08 October 2008 @ 03:10 pm
"There it goes"  
So it's brigits_flame time again.

The last time I wrote poetry was, if memory serves, almost exactly a year ago. I just don't do poetry much, because it always sounds kind of juvenile to me when I'm done, and I don't tend to like it. But I was contemplating the prompt last night, abject and computerless, and my brain started throwing words at me. No clue why they decided to be these ones, and I didn't want to force them to try to be any others. Mea culpa. XD

Thanks as always to eltea for looking it over. :) The prompt was that it had to start with the words "There it goes."

There -- it -- goes --

The right, the wrong, the siren song;
The crystal nonsense words;
The shards of glass through which we pass;
The soaring flightless birds.

The truth, the lie, the screaming sigh;
The whisper in the wood;
The nightfall holds its orange folds
As we all wish we could.

The cautious haste, the grateful waste;
The corners of the ring;
The clock that stops, the tearing drops;
Absurd, and everything.

 
 
Feeling: confusedconfused
 
 
 
attentionhoardattentionhoard on October 17th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
Editor!
Hi there! I'm going to be your other editor this round. My style consists of reading through your entry and commenting on anything that sticks out to me; good, bad, or otherwise. Sorry this took so long. Real life has been really busy and I want to thank you being so patient!

Here we go...

1. I really love that you've crafted a poem here with a rhyme scheme that doesn't feel like a nursery rhyme. Nice work!

2. In every poem there's a line that sticks our to the reader for unknown reasons. It just holds a certain poetic appeal. To me, it's this line: The nightfall holds its orange folds
As we all wish we could.
. Nice, nice work.

3. Overall, I can't think of much to "edit". You have strong choices present in the poem and you are clearly a talented writer. I look forward to your future entries! Nice work!

Vitamin Ctierfal on October 17th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Editor!
Thank you very much! ^_^